crafting space

this title has multiple meanings for me this morning.  let me start by apologizing if you’re reading this news here before i’ve been able to tell you individually, especially if you are a family member.  i’m feeling weary-lipped about it, just like i did when i had to tell everyone on earth about losing the baby in september.  erich and i have decided to separate.  in many ways, i feel relieved.  friends have commented that it probably won’t be all that different for me, that i’ve been living as a single mom for some time now.  i know it will be very different, but it seems to me that the positive will far outweigh the negative. 

i’ve gotten to the point where the idea of modelling this martyrdom as a healthy relationship to emulate (mostly to sage, but to zander, too) is scarier than the thought of my kids having a “broken” home.  what if it was broken to begin with?

i grew up with divorced parents, and often i have told myself that i would not break up my own marriage to avoid the stickiness of that situation.  there were never any terrible movie-style moments in my childhood, and i felt loved and safe throughout the process.  when i look back on it now, i think about what my nana told me once- when people ask ‘HOW do you DO it?’ (and, she was talking about having two, or three in her case, very young children, but i have applied it across many areas of my life), you just tell them that it’s all you know, and so you get up every morning and live out your life.  you have nothing to compare it with, it’s just what it is, and you just get the job done.  that’s how i feel about that time in my life-  i didn’t know any differently, so i just got up each day and did what i knew.  i’m hoping it will be similar for my kids. 

as for me, i’m looking at the opportunities this presents.  i’ve been wanting to craft a space in the house for craft, and now i will have the chance to; a) have the space, and b) decide how it’s to be used.  the frustrating thing is that the ideal space (just big enough, super sunny in the afternoon, has a door i could close), a little porch off the back of my kitchen, is falling off of the house.  so, can’t get in there right now.  i’m looking into other options- i could carve a space out of my bedroom, which is pretty huge by baltimore-row-house standards.  i need to be making things right now- it keeps me humming. 

so, if you’re the praying kind, please say one for my family, and if you’re the energy kind, please send me some awesome chi, and if you’re the wishing and hoping kind, please wish and hope a smooth sail for us into this new place. 

2 Responses to “crafting space”

  1. Wishing and hoping and if I have the energy, I’ll do an interpretive dance. All will be well, my dear.

  2. As long as love abounds from you to the kids, everything will be fine. Having come from the same ‘broken’ home, we turned out pretty good!? It’s definitely better to have parents that are happy and separate, than together and grumpy. Prayers and love will be sent from me to you daily. LY

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